Sample from the Preface
Owning Cancer:
The Power of Shared Wisdom
By Dennis Maneri
In the following pages, I’ll share with you the wisdom of the many people who've influenced me. Some are family members, others are teachers, coaches, writers and friends while others are some of the best social influencers I’ve been lucky enough to come across.
One of the earliest bits of wisdom came from my father’s father, Antonio Maneri:
Listen to your body
My grandfather lived to be nearly 101. I remember visiting him when he was 96-years old and happily living in his Brooklyn apartment on Rogers avenue -- the top floor of the walk-up. (He had painted the entire apartment -- including the high ceilings -- the year before.) Curious about his longevity, I asked him what he ate. He had an egg and toast every morning -- yes, he ate the yolk! A salad for lunch and then nearly every night he'd have chicken and a small amount of pasta. I asked him if he got bored with the same food. Pop said that as he aged and foods started to trouble his stomach, rather than trying to find ways to keep eating those things, he simply eliminated them from his diet. Obviously, living to his age, he was right about those choices. Oh, and every day he had a shot of bourbon for his heart and one small glass of wine with dinner. He also went for a walk everyday and said hello to his neighborhood friends. And he didn't hold grudges. Or worry about the things he couldn't control. In other words, he did all things you're supposed to do to live to be 100.
Given the genes of our grandfather and an Aunt who lived to be 104, why did my brother die at 61 while I myself was given a somewhat early death sentence? What I’ve learned is that we can’t rely on our genes, that what we need to do -- as my Grandfather showed -- is listen to our bodies.
Psychologists say that a life story grounds your experience in basic values and beliefs. In curating my influences, I rediscovered those values and, in the process, saw again how all living beings are interconnected.
That’s the power of shared wisdom.
SAMPLES
“I think is it the year 1909. I feel as if I were in a motion picture theater, the long arm of light crossing the darkness and spinning, my eyes fixed on the screen… I am anonymous, and I have forgotten myself. It is always so when one goes to the movies, it is, as they say, a drug.” — Delmore Schwartz. In Dreams Begin Responsibilities
You know the experience when you’re watching a movie and something happens on screen — like a continuity screw-up or a bad performance — and suddenly you’re “out of the scene” looking around at the walls and drapes of the theater and seeing the exit lights you hadn’t noticed before? Being told I was going to die was like that. Cancer kicked me into the last row of the theater; in a seat near the exit.The movie I had been watching was my life and I’d lost myself in its’ consistent negative narrative. We all tell ourselves stories of who we are; how we got to be the people we are; what makes us similar to others but also different. Our stories — whether negative or positive; whether a rationalization or motivation for our actions — are how we frame ourselves internally. Our habitual thinking is a condition not unlike being so engrossed watching a movie you lose yourself in the characters and story on the screen. My story wasn’t mentally healthy and I’m certain it played a role in developing my disease. And I have to tell you, the perspective from the back of the theater is different; a point-of-view that became critical to my repair and survival.